Now, a few words from Ella on the subject
Humans. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.
Well, maybe you brawny German Shepherds and Dobermans, or you scrapy mutts would stand a fighting chance out on the streets, but when you’re a seven-pound piece of fluff living in a town teeming with speeding cars and coyotes… Well, let’s not go there, shall we?
The thing is, a girl needs to eat. So, I do what I have to do. I get my Lisa out of bed every morning so I can get my kibble and she can get that bitter smelling stuff she drinks. I nap fretfully on the sofa, always mindful that she doesn’t sit at that clackety machine too long (she gets so achy, in her left shoulder). I warn her when that threatening guy walks up to the house (as he does, oddly, every day around lunchtime). I remind her when it’s time to make dinner. When my Dave comes home, I kiss his ankles and make sure he rests a few minutes on the sofa. It’s tough, absorbing all that stress from him, but I’m happy to do it. It’s his paycheck, afterall, that puts food in my bowl.
But humans will be humans. Despite my hard work, there are occasional glitches. I might get left alone for too long. Other times, random humans arrive on the scene and throw my carefully balanced system into chaos. But for the most part, I keep this household running like clockwork.
Early to bed, early to rise.
Can we talk, for a minute, about sleeping? It’s something I happen to have a lot of practice doing, so trust me when I say this: the comfiest bed in our house is the living room sofa. The cushions are soft, the pillows are squishy, and when it’s cold there’s this amazing blanket on it that holds my body heat perfectly. My Dave, he’s no dummy, knows this too. And though I used to feel duty bound to follow my Lisa when she went to bed, it finally dawned on me one night that I was missing things—important things. For example, popcorn. And, well, someone has to keep one ear perked for late-night visitors. My Dave certainly isn’t going to do it. I could bark until my throat is sore and that man wouldn’t wake up. While late-night guests are few and far between these days, I take my greeting responsibilities seriously. Whenever my young humans choose to show up—be it just ahead of dinnertime or half past midnight, I need to be on the ready with tail wags and kisses—not marooned on that island of a bed.
All this to say: There is nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong about sleeping all night on the sofa. But then, my Lisa had to go and disrupt the whole system by bringing out that horrid crate. How did she expect me to do my job from the slammer? Seriously, with the blinds closed in that back room, I couldn’t even tell when it was time to wake her up for my breakfast. Clearly, someone had to put an end to that nonsense.
Out of the frying pan into the fire.
“Out, out, out!” I told my humans, over and over again. I’m sorry to say they can be a bit slow on the uptake, but finally they got the message. It was a bittersweet victory—our routine, you see, was hopelessly broken. My Dave got out that box on wheels, and stopped coming home for dinner. My Lisa was acting funny, too, rushing around as she does sometimes. Well, I just knew something bad was going to happen, especially after that visit to that mind control place.
But really, what choice did I have but to fall for her ruse? if my Lisa was going to stop coming home for dinner, too, I was literally going to starve. So, I let her put me on that leash and stuff me in my car seat and once we were back in the mind control place, well, something came over me, like I was being brainwashed or something. Because all of a sudden, I was in a quiet room and my Lisa was nowhere. There were treats. So for a while, I told myself it would all be okay. Until they took my nice collar and shackled me with new ones. Heavy, awful things. Which I only let them put on because of the yummy treats. During the days this guy named Nik walked me until my paws grew sore. Hundreds, maybe thousands of miles, all to go nowhere, just around and around and around one room (except for those times we went to the park). All the time sayinging “heel”. then “sit” or “down” for no good reason that I could see. I ask, would you like to lie on a cold cement floor? But I quickly figured out their system. By sitting, or crouching down on the ground when Nik told me to, I trained him to give me treats. Sucker. Worked every time.
Eventually—I lost count of the days (I guess it’s part of their brainwashing scheme)—my Dave and Lisa came to rescue me. Surely, I thought, my Lisa would put me back in my soft pretty collar. That woman, after all, lives for routine. But no. My Lisa, apparently, has been brainwashed to play the walking in circles game, too—and to put me in those abominable collars.
If you can beat ‘em, join ‘em.
It’s good to be home. But I’m sad to report, everything’s a little different—and it’s not just the silly parade of heeling and sitting. My cushion, which used to sit next to my Lisa’s clackety thing, is now in the bedroom. The crate now sits in that spot. Sometimes, they close me up in it. Honestly, it’s a bit confusing. For now, I’m playing along. It’s exhausting, and really cuts into my nap time, but I’m already getting the upper hand—evidenced by those new yummy treats I’ve got her feeding me.
Hey, I’m a good girl. I’ll compromise. But if they try to ever cage me up in that back bedroom again, I may have to go on strike.
Even if it means letting them sleep through breakfast.
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Recommended reading: Believe it or not, I had never read a single thing by Jojo Moyes. But after a writer friend tipped me off to her BBC Maestro course (and gave me a free guest pass to watch it!) I checked out the e-book of Still Me, because it was available right away. Though it’s the third in the series, I knew enough about Me Before You (Moyes’s breakout title) that I had no trouble jumping right in. Compulsively readable. Nothing too demanding. Just a well-paced story and great cast of characters. I’ll definitely be checking out other titles.
Pair with: A refreshing Gruner Veltliner. I’m getting super-excited for our upcoming trip to Prague and Vienna, where I hope to enjoy many, many glasses of this refreshing white. As Austria’s most widely planted grape varietal, characteristics vary, but it generally ranges from citrus to peach with a good minerality and a hint of pepper. It’s light and crisp, perfect for hot days, and I’ve bought some decent bottles in the neighborhood of $15-$20.
Lisa Binsfeld author 